Man Dies While Playing 'Wii Fit', Was He Healthy Otherwise?

Let me be very clear up front: I am not mocking the man that unfortunately died while exercising on Wii Fit. I am mocking mainstream press coverage of the unfortunate event.

First, the story. A 25-year old man collapsed while 'jogging' on the Wii Fit Balance Board and was declared dead on arrival by paramedics. The man was reportedly "fit and well" and enjoyed things like fishing and playing the drums. This is what I have a problem with...

The man obviously was not "fit and well." How do I know this? He died while doing moderate exercise on a 2-inch step. Sometimes, things like this happen without warning. It certainly isn't the Wii Fit's fault. People die every day and go unmentioned in the news, but the mainstream press sees that he was playing a video game and it's time to write an article.

This sensationalism is unneeded. This doesn't mean that the Wii Fit is a danger to the millions exercising on the Balance Board. This isn't about a manufacturing flaw in the board that makes it dangerous. The man was just exercising and it was too much for him, for whatever reason.

It's no different than "after this commercial break, we'll tell you what household object could be killing you..."

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13-Year-Old Dad Is Not The Dad After All!

Oops!

Paging Maury Povich!

Turns out wee Brit Alfie Patten is not the father of baby Maisie with village-bicycle-with-training-wheels girlfriend Chentelle.

A DNA test revealed that 13-year-old Alfie is not the baby's daddy. The boy took the test after several lads came forward claiming to have slept with 15-year-old Chantelle.

Alfie's mom said, "It had not even crossed Alfie’s mind whether Chantelle had not been faithful to him. He’s absolutely devastated that these lads say they slept with her."

Poor Alfie!

Apparently, Chantelle's mom ordered her slutty daughter to insist that she had been a virgin prior to sleeping with Alfie. But science has revealed the truth!

Alfie's dad said, "He said it was the first time he’d had sex, he didn’t know what he was doing or the complications that could come. I’ll talk to him again and it’ll be the birds and bees talk."

We think that by now, Alfie is well acquainted with the birds and the bees. What his dad needs to do is buy him a 24 pack of condoms.

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Nugget From The Net: More Like "Weapon XXX"

I'm not sure if this was the result of gross incompetence or just someone's idea of a cruel joke. What appears to be some kind of Wolverine pool toy has turned into an opportunity to get to know X-Man, Wolverine's "Origin" all too well.

Let's see if I can help them out with some sales slogans:

• "After you're done, adamantium won't be the hardest part of his body."
• "X-Men 3 may have blown, but now you can suck."
• "Get to know Wolverine's "7th claw" intimately."
• "Warning: Bite at own risk!"
• "Works as a whipped cream dispenser too!"

...Oh, you get the idea.

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Terra Incognita (Comic)

Man holds woman hostage for 10 hours... with a Sega light gun

 

We always thought the Sega Master System's stealth-black Light Phaser was cooler than our blaze orange NES Zapper, but we never thought it could actually mistaken for a real weapon -- it's pretty obviously plastic, after all. Yeah, we were wrong: a Brazilian man apparently held a 60-year old woman hostage at, uh, phaserpoint for 10 hours until surrendering to police. Next time? He's taking down a bank with a Super Scope.

 

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New York Times on RE5: The Truth About African Zombies

The New York Times' resident game writer Seth Schiesel kicks off his review of Resident Evil 5 with a lengthy discourse on the racism controversy, invoking the one truism about zombies everyone keeps forgetting.

Seth brings the whole Resident Evil racism debate to a close by reminding us that anyone can become a zombie, and zombies have to be destroyed. I put forth that we take this notion a bit further, with a horde of multi-cultural zombies recording a special rendition of "We Are The World", before being mowed down by chain gun fire.

So Resident Evil 5 exposes the perhaps uncomfortable truth that blacks and Arabs can become zombies too, just like anyone else. Blacks and Arabs do not have a secret anti-zombie gene. And just like all the thousands of white, Asian and Hispanic zombies that have been dispatched in innumerable other games before them, the African zombies must also be destroyed, or at least neutralized.

I have yet to play Resident Evil 5, but given the fact the previous RE games dealt with zombies they didn't whether your are black, caucasian or asian. They want to eat your brains!

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Internet People - The Meth Minute 39 (Video)